Bionicle on the Today Show
by WereWolfPrincess1215
Summary: The longest freakin story that isn't a novel. Includes teenagers, Toa, stupidity, and chaos. Rated K for a few mildly censored swear words.


**Okay, I…This is actually what I really want to do…Seriously…. I'm a freak, I know…But this is SOOO funny! Uh…I don't own Lego, or Bionicle (wish I did…Then I could FINALLY make Nokama kiss Matau! YESSS! –Throws arms up-) But…um…be prepared for random comments…. And misspellings…And non-existent words! And I forgot to mention Toa coming soon! ^^ **

**Early one morning…**

To on-lookers, it would have seemed like a certain blue Toa Metru (Krekka) and a certain green Toa Metru (Nidhiki) were walking down the New Yorkian Street. But from the perspective of Bionicle fanatics, a whole different story would have been produced. From inside the blue Kanohi Rau came an irritated female voice.

"Are we there yet?"

"No! Quit asking me! This was your fool-stupid idea!"

"…Malcolm, (for that is not his name) you really have to work on your Chute-Speak…"

"I can't help it! How soon-often do you actually meet an Air-Toa?"

"…Watch Mask of Light…."

"…Shuddup…"

"Make me, Fire-spitter!"

The male inside the Kanohi Mahiki gasped and clasped his hands over his mouth. "You just diss-insulted me!" he steamed, then pointing to a little kid he shouted, "She just diss-insulted me!"

The little kid's face scrunched up and a few tears escaped his eyes followed by short intakes.

The girl's eyes widened inside her Rau as she opened her mouth and screamed. "CRAP!!! RUUUUUUNNNN!!!!"

They had just gotten out of the area when the kid started crying louder than a Sonics Toa's screams.

Soon, the two Toa-dressed teens found themselves in the front of the line for the Today Show.

"Sweet!" yelled the girl as she threw her blue-armored arms up. "Get the sign!"

The emerald-clad boy grumbled something about "Get it yourself." before he pulled out a big poster with the words 'Happy-cheer Naming Day' written in Matoran.

The female clapped her hands together. "Great! Now all we have to do it wait!"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Four hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

The male shook the female awake. She got up and wiped the drool off her mask.

She smacked her lips then turned to him and asked, "What happened?"

"It just quick-started!"

"Well, you don't have to loud-shout…."

"Yes I do!"

"Shht! The guy who looks like Randi's coming!" hissed the female as a sharply bladed elbow poked into the green Toa's ribs.

"Owwah!! Stop hit-attacking meeahhh!"

"Shutupaaahhh! Quick-wave the sign!"

"Why are you Chute-speaking? Why are you speaking at all?"

Another elbow in the ribs was his reward for smack-talking the female. She grabbed the sign and started waving it in front of the Randi dude's eyes. "Cheer-happy Naming Day!" she shouted in his face. Then, turning to a small girl beside her, she asked, "What's your name?"

The little girl stared up at the smiling Rau. "Sarah."

"How do you spell that, Sarah?"

"S-A-R-A-H."

"Well, from now on, your name shall be spelled like this! S-A-R-E-H!" the blue-clad female beamed.

The girl's face scrunched up as tears began falling from her cheeks. "MOOOMMY!!!!" she shrieked and ran to an ugly lady (who looked like Darla from Finding Nemo) who then glared daggers at the girl.

Quickly, she dragged the green male into her place, and stood next to a boy who looked about eight or nine.

"Hello! What's your name?"

The kid stared up at her and smiled. "Christoguizeppimarkfrankoplois. But you can call me Mark."

The female's face was sliding down at one end so it looked like she had gotten too close to a Ta-Metruan forge and her mask was melting. She shook her head, and then smiled broadly.

"Well, now your nickname shall be spelled like this! M-A-R-C!"

The little kid's smile grew larger. "Gee! Thanks! I've always wanted to be renamed by a total freak!!!" he shouted, and pulled a water balloon from the seat of his pants.

The blue Toa frowned. "You can't hurt me with that! I'm a freakin' Toa of WATER!!!!"

The bratty jerk took aim and released the projectile at the blue Toa. She quickly screamed, and bent her body out of the way of the wet missile. The green Toa, who was being brutally attacked by the really ticked-off, butt-ugly mother of the unhappy Sareh, was then hit in the face by the projectile.

Suddenly, he sharply turned and glared at the boy.

"You…mess-ruined…my…Mahiki!" he snarled, and then taking out his cardboard Aero Slicers, leapt after Marc.

The jerk screamed like the little girl that he is and ran away from the foaming Toa.

The green Toa shot after the kid, waving his Slicers and shouting naughty words in Matoran. The blue stayed behind to save their spots in line.

The energetic twerp screamed louder and vaulted a fence. The male tried to do the same, but fell on his face with his feet tangled up in the fence.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In Metru-Nui~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Pohatu! Flat-down in front! Lewa! You make a better close-door than a see-window! Vakama! Quick-bring the popcorn!" shouted Matau from his comfortable perch on the couch.

He shrieked a little as a white form tackled him while another took his spot. "NUJU!!!!" he shouted, filling the whole room with his bellow.

His mouth was instantly covered by a blue-armored hand. "Matau, you scream louder than a Sonics Toa." Came the soft voice of his wife, Nokama. "Calm yourself."

Matau glared back at Kopaka with Nuju sitting on his lap like the close brothers that they are.

An excited silver form rushed into the room and sat next to Matau. "Hey! The Today Show's about to start! I wonder what weirdoes are going to be on this time! I hope it's a Star wars fan dressed up as Luke. I love Luke," he said cheerfully.

The Today Show's theme song came on and all the Toa leaned forward to stare at a female dressed as Nokama and a male dressed as Matau.

"Do I really see-look like that?" asked a bewildered Toa of Air.

Every Toa in the room nodded.

"Who question-asked you?" he spat back, folding his arms and pouting.

Just then, the male and female started to chant 'Happy-cheer Naming Day'

The silver form next to Matau recoiled. "Who are these weirdoes? Everyone knows it isn't Naming Day!"

"We should teach them a lesson!" exclaimed Vakama who randomly appeared with popcorn.

"Yeah!" agreed all the Toa.

Using a little bit of their elemental power, the Toa created a portal.

The 400 + Toa then all stepped through and disappeared.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~With the Toa Dressed Teens~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Why'd everyone go?" said the blue Toa, looking around.

"Deep-sorry. I ate a banana before we left. They make me gassy," replied the green Toa.

"Yeah… Oh! Lauren! Lauren! Over here!" cried the female suddenly, waving her arms.

A sane-looking girl slowly walked over to them. "Who? Me?" she asked, pointing to herself.

"Well, duh! Join the club, Lauren!"

"Uh...Who are you?"

The female shrugged. "Helloo? Iceberg-blue eyes?" she asked, pointing to her eyes that were visible.

Lauren looked hard at the female's eyes, then up at the sky, then to the gassy male, then back at the female.

"Uh…. Susan Storm?" she guessed, looking like she was as going to win a million dollars.

She promptly received a smack on the head.

"No! Check again!"

This time, Lauren looked deeper into the masked female's eyes, noticing a strangely familiar mind, much like her own.

Suddenly, a light bulb popped above her head. Then it flickered and was replaced by a new fluorescent one.

"Ben!" she screamed and leapt onto the azure female, knocking her over.

"Finally! You got it! Nice to have you back! Now…if you don't mind…GET OFF ME!!!!!!!!!!!" Ben yelled, shoving her off.

Suddenly, a portal appeared and dropped off the 400+ Toa it was carrying on their heads.

Malcolm, Ben, and Lauren all turned to stare at them.

From underneath a pile came a familiar voice. "LEWA! Get you walk-feet out of my mask!"

The teens allowed themselves a chuckle. This had to be none-other than Matau.

When a blue figure untangled herself from the mass, Ben almost fainted.

"NOKAMA!!!!!" she yelled as she threw herself upon the ground at her feet and started kissing them.

"Do the voice! Do the voice!" Ben squealed, looking up at the Rau through her Rau. "Pleeaseee!"

Nokama grimaced. "I have no idea what you are talking about." She said stiffly.

Ben seized both her legs and kept begging for her to do the voice.

"Kopaka! Help me!" Nokama yelped, trying to pry the insane teen off.

Kopaka reached through the tangle of Toa with his ice blade and instantly froze both Nokama and the Nokama imposter.

"Oops."

Malcolm shook his head and leapt into the action, (literally). He breathed warm air on Ben and Nokama.

Realizing that this idea wasn't so great, he turned to the pile of Toa. "Can one of you please defrost my friend and Nokama?" he asked politely.

"Alright. I'll do it." came the muffled voice of Toa Lhikan.

Slowly, the ice melted off the Toa of Water.

Nokama was the one who was able to breathe first, taking deep breaths of air. Ben wasn't as lucky.

Her face turned blue and she fell off Nokama's feet, clutching her throat.

"Can't…. breathe!" she wheezed.

Lauren quickly heaved her friend up, and started slapping her back. Hard.

When Ben still wasn't breathing, she tried doing the Heimlich maneuver. Still, it didn't work.

Then, she took out a defibrillator from her back pocket. Malcolm quickly stopped her.

"She doesn't need a quick-shock! She needs CPR!" he yelled at Lauren, grabbing the shock machine and "unknowingly" threw it at Marc.

"…I don't know CPR…"

"…What?"

"…I don't know CPR…."

"…. Crap…."

"You know CPR?"

"Unfortunately, yes…."

"Why is that bad?"

"I'm a guy."

"Heck, I know that!"

Lauren quickly earned another strike to the head.

Malcolm grimaced as he got down on his knees and opened his mouth, about to cover Ben's.

As their mouths touched, Ben's eyes opened and her cheeks immediately flushed with color.

They both recoiled, Malcolm turning around to puke, and Ben gagging and starting to rip her lips off.

From the pile of Toa came a cheer.

"You go Matau! WHOOOO!!!" was heard followed by a silver arm waving.

"SHUDDUP JOVAN!!!!" shouted a voice that sounded like Tahu's.

"Can someone help-assist us?" pleaded a voice everyone guessed belonged to Lewa. "My face is in a place I'd rather not say…."

"Someone's feet are in my Mask!" complained Hahli.

"Sorry, Hahl." Apologized Kongu.

"Get us out! Please!" ordered Jaller.

Lauren looked at Malcolm. Malcolm looked at Ben. Ben looked at Malcolm and nodded. Malcolm looked back at Lauren and nodded.

They got to their feet and one by one, started tugging Toa from the pile.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Four hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

All the Toa had gotten untangled from the messy pile.

Takanuva was about to shake hands with the three, when Vakama stopped him.

"You made it an unofficial Naming Day! You disgraced the Bionicle!" he yelled, rousing all the Toa to start yelling in protest.

"This is why we came here!" he screamed louder.

"YEAH!" yelled the other Toa. They all took out their weapons and formed a long line in front of the teens.

Ben quickly got on her knees. "Mata-Nui! Help us!" she cried, pleading with the Great Spirit.

The clouds above them split with a loud rumble and a gigantic Kanohi Hau appeared.

"A battle is going to form…Do you want to go one on one, like David and Goliath?" he asked in a booming voice.

The Toa looked down, looked at themselves, then up at the sky.

"Nah!" they yelled.

Mata-Nui shrugged and looked down at Ben.

"Well…I tried. See you in the afterlife!" he said happily and disappeared.

The three teens stared at the sky.

"…Well that was crap…" they all said together.

The line of Toa started to advance.

"Wait!" cried Ben. "It wouldn't be honorable if all 400+ of you attacked the three of us! We don't even have weapons! Toa are all about honor!"

Takanuva nodded and spoke up. "Yes. She-Who-Dresses-Like-Nokama is right! We must allow them an army!"

Krakua frowned. "Very well. We allow you to get an army and weapons. But then you must come back for a butt-whoopin'. Agreed?" he asked.

The three teens nodded. "Agreed." Then they ran off.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~With the Toa-dressed Teens…and one tag-a-long~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Quick! Into the Toa 'R' Us!" Ben hissed, ushering the two into the building.

They stood amazed at the magnitude of the shop.

There were elemental powers in bags, weapons, armor, masks, mask powers in bags, and Toa Stones, everything a Toa could want or need was in there.

"Okay…Money. Now." Ben ordered, holding her hands out with ten dollars. Lauren threw in fifteen, and Malcolm threw in five.

"Okay. We have thirty. That means each of us can have ten bucks." She said, distributing the money. "Okay, get weapons and whatever you need, and meet back here. GO!" she yelled, heading for the Mask Powers aisle.

Ben looked at all the individual bags filled to the brim with mask powers.

_Which would be the most effective against 400+ Toa? Not Mind Control…Illusion might work, but no…What about Impersonation? But Rahi are more effective…I know! I'll just give Malcolm Illusion, then he can transform, and I'll copy him! SWEET! _She thought to herself.

She checked the tags on each of the bags. Both of them were 75% off $5.00.

Ben quickly did the math in her head. _Now…If 5$ is like 500…then 75 percent must be…uh…shoot… umm…Crap…I wish I had paid better attention in Math…Crap…_

Taking a calculator out of her back pocket, she did the math.

"Three seventy five off…so that makes…"

Ben took the calculator out again. "Now…5 – 3.75 is… $1. 25!

She shoved both bags into a basket and went to exit the aisle.

With a loud 'SMACK', Ben fell on the floor, rubbing her head.

Lauren was sprawled out on the floor, also rubbing her head. "You have a REALLY hard head, you know that?" she asked.

Ben nodded. "Yup. Hardest head in the world. Why did you run into me like that?"

Lauren shrugged. "I wanted to shop for Mask Powers. Is that so bad?"

Ben glared at her. "YES!" she got off the floor in a huffy and left for the next aisle, accidentally running into a shelf edge.

"That…hurt…" she said, rubbing her chest, heading strait to the weapon's aisle.

Ben's mouth gaped open. There were so many weapons to choose from! Proto Pitons, Earthshock Drills, Air Katana, Aqua Axes, Bayou Blades, Glacier Edges, Zamor Sphere Launchers, Kordak Blasters, Midak Sky Blasters, Blizzard Blades, and a multitude of other things.

She stared at the selection for a while.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Four Hours Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"I think I'll take these." Ben said, grabbing a pair of Hydro Blades. "And I better take these Aero Slicers for Malcolm (for that is not his name)." She continued, snatching a pair of Slicers. "But what about a Disk Launcher?" she asked, giving an evil grin to the Matoran working there, who ran away screaming at the sight.

"Yeahah!" she yelled, grabbing a Disk Launcher. She also grabbed a bunch of weakness disks, marked 100 for 50 cents.

Then, getting another evil grin, she grabbed an Oohnurak Rhotuka Launcher. Then, doing her best Iron Hide impression, she said in a deep, manly, burly, voice "You feelin' lucky, Punk?"

Malcolm (for that is not his name) chose at that very moment to enter the aisle to catch her quote. "Not particularly." He squeaked, looking at his insane, weapon crazed friend.

She glared at him, giving him her evil smile, and stayed like that until he flinched under her gaze.

"Would you not do that?" he asked, looking through his hand at her.

Her smile went away. "Here. These are for you." She said, tossing the Aero Slicers and the Illusion bag.

Malcolm (for that is not his name) screamed in a high-pitched voice as the dangerous swords came hurtling toward him.

He cringed and the swords embedded in the floor next to his feet. He glared daggers at the female. "Thaaanks…" he said, gripping one of the swords with his right hand, and giving it a tug.

The ceiling opened, and light came through the opening, spilling out onto him and his sword. Then, a chorus of heavenly voices started singing.

Ben rolled her eyes, took out a machine gun from her back pocket and turned to the choir. She cocked the gun, and shot all the people in the chorus, laughing like some crazed maniac, until all were dead.

"Stupid choir."

Malcolm (for that is not his name) flinched and edged away. "Ummm…Wow…That was bad…Good thing I can't sing…" he squeaked, shivering.

Ben put the machine gun away in her pocket. "I hate choir people." She snarled, kicking one of the people in the face.

She looked at Malcolm (for that is…I'll just shut up now), and smiled. "No harm done, right?" she asked in a friendly voice, not sounding at all like the insane weponistic murderer. "So, what do you have?" she asked him, trying to look in his basket.

"Uh…I got an element. Air." He told her, putting the Aero Slicers and Mask Power in his basket.

Ben nodded. "Cool. I have a Mask Power, Hydro-Blades, a Disk Launcher, Disks, and a Rhotuka Launcher. Pretty cool, huh?" she asked, pointing to each weapon as she said it.

Malcolm nodded, not wanting to offend her. He scurried over to the Blasters and started examining each one.

Ben shrugged her shoulders and went to the next aisle. Rows and rows of Elemental Powers were hung on metal things.

Each one was pulsing in a different color. Water was blue, Sonics was silver, Air was pale green, Earth was leaf green, Stone was brown, and so on.

Ben narrowed her eyes and checked the back of a conveniently placed bag of power.

"Lifetime guarantee: buy once, buy never again." She read to herself, and looked at the labeling on the front of the bag. The element was listed in big bold letters.

Just to see what it would do, she squeezed the bag a little. The elemental power sloshed around like a soggy gelatin.

She smiled with glee and poked the bag again. It sloshed around, making a weird noise.

She laughed and poked it again. It sloshed around just like before.

Ben stuck her tongue out of her mouth in a Cheshire Cat-like grin and proceeded to poke the bag.

This time, it let out a low growl and grew fangs, causing the female to scream and let go of the mutant bag, scrambling up the nearest shelf like a squirrel.

The bag of elemental power began to bark at her from its spot on the floor like a dog. When the 'Toa' wouldn't come down, the bag lost interest and turned back into a bag again.

Ben slowly clambered down the shelf and looked at the bag. She looked down the aisle and saw a Matoran worker.

Giving her infamous grin, she ran and punted the bag, causing it to sail down the aisle and onto the worker.

The bag instantly turned into the monster and started to bite the worker, causing the Matoran to scream, and run into the back room.

Ben shrugged her shoulders and brushed her hands off. "A job well done." She said to herself, smiling.

She began proceeding to the rack of blue sacks. Ben held every one, as if she was looking for one to 'accept' her as its master.

When none did, she grabbed one and threw it in the basket. Then, one of the silver bags started to hum and shake.

Ben looked over there and it started to flash.

"Freakin' crazy bag…" she muttered, walking over anyway. She reached out to touch it.

As soon as her fingertips brushed the bag, it opened, sending all the elemental power out. It lost its liquid state, and became a silver mist, which quickly engulfed the teen.

Ben could feel the mist entering her body, and felt large amounts of power coming from it.

The mist disappeared and the female looked around. "That was weird." She said, shrugging her shoulders.

She walked out of the aisle, and headed to the armor section.

Multitudes of colors filled the shelves. Ben made a quick walk-through, grabbing a blue chest-plate, arm armor, leg armor, and went out.

She went to the cash register, run by a familiar looking Matoran, and placed all her objects on the scanner.

"Did anything happen to you while you were shopping?" he asked, looking bored.

"Yeah. An Elemental Power bag started humming, and shaking, then the bag opened by its own." She told him, shrugging her shoulders.

The Matoran's eyes widened and he gave a deep bow. "Hail, you who were chosen!" he said in a reverent voice. "We will not charge you for anything you buy here, not now, not ever!" he exclaimed, giving her a golden card before running out to get his co-workers.

Ben blinked a few times before collecting her items.

"…That was weird..." She said, walking to the meeting place.

She met Lauren, who had a sword, a bag of Fate, and a dark silver Elemental Power. Malcolm had Aero Slicers, a Midak Sky Blaster, some green armor, a bag of Illusion, and an elemental bag of Air.

"How much did you guys use?" Ben asked, wondering if they had been blessed with good fortune.

"All of it." Replied Lauren.

Malcolm nodded, "How much did you spend?" he asked.

Trying to change the subject, Ben pointed to a machine titled 'Build-A-Toa'. She ran over and read the instructions.

"Step one: Put your head in the Mind-Wave Reader. Step two: Think of a Toa that you made up (weapons, elements, and Mask Powers included). Step three: put in your money, or a golden card into the slot. Step four: remove Toa from bagging area before we start swearing. Step five: Have a great, Toa filled day." She read aloud, already putting her head in the Mind-Wave Reader.

Ben closed her eyes and thought of all the Toa she had ever imagined. "There's no place like home…There's no place like home…" she chanted.

Her long fingers searched for the slot in which she was supposed to put her card in. She found it and shoved the card in.

There was a loud 'Chinging' noise, and arguing, followed by more chinging.

Ben pulled her head out from the Mind-Wave Reader and looked in awe at the Toa she had just created.

Taseer was pulling on a golden-armored leg, yelling her brains out at a silver Toa. Kogune was tackling a shamrock-green figure to the ground while he was shouting "Quick-let go of me!"

Taking a deep breath, Ben shouted "SHUT UP!" which was a LOT louder than usual.

All the Toa turned to look at her. A late-listener still was trying to pull his leg free.

"Okay. Everyone up." She ordered, watching as the Toa got in a line.

Malcolm and Lauren watched in awe at the Toa.

Ben turned to them and smiled. "Guys, this is Taseer, Kogune, Raune, Virrakai, Hinali, Aweno, Anilag, Eratia, Kynrhu, Sadara, Solden, Saita, Lykken, Leben, Kasvi and Takanuva." She said, pointing to each of the Toa as she said their names. "Elements? Air, Fire, Stone, Earth, Ice, Water, Water, Time, Storm, Storm again, Protodermis, Cosmic, Luck, Life, Plant-life and Light. Any questions?"

Malcolm rushed over to the machine and stuck his head in it.

"Hey! Stick your card in here!" he yelled excitedly, wanting to try the machine out.

Ben did as she was told and one Toa was spat out.

All three stared at him.

"Hello! My name is Avun! My element is Air!" he commented, looking around.

Ben turned her gaze to Malcolm.

"What?" he defended "You made all the ones we made up together!"

The blue-clad female glared at him.

It was then Lauren's turn to use the machine. Ben slid her card into the slot, and at least a dozen weirdly colored Toa popped out.

"Ben, and the other weirdly dressed dude, these are my Toa!" she exclaimed, pointing to each one.

"This is Aidarin, he controls Gravity. Toroko, he controls Ice. Saedalis, Sae for short, he controls Lightning. Isure, he controls Air. (Avun gave him a quick fist-clank) Bamaja…Isn't that fun to say? Bamaja! He controls Fire. (Kogune's eyes turned into hearts when she saw him) Aquatama, she controls Water, but she can scream really loud. Vahlana has mastered Earth. (Ben gave a glare at Vahlana's mask) Tyaesure is in control of Magnetism. (Taseer gave a quick glare at her name) Zaku, Paku, and Taku all control Plant-Life. (Malcolm glared at Zaku's mask) Pheorith, he controls Fire. (Ben reached out to stroke his pretty tail feathers when he pulled away, glaring) Ilistin, she controls Plasma, and a little Light. (Takanuva Ultima stuck his hand to his mask and wiggled his fingers) Rillyn, she controls Stone. (Raune stuck her tongue out) And Takami…He really doesn't know what his element is, do you?" she asked, looking at the reddish-orange Toa.

"Shut up." He snarled, looking over his shoulder, trying to ignore the tan-and-brown Rillyn leaping up and down in front of him.

Turning back to Ben and Malcolm, Lauren sighed. "He doesn't have an element. He can't seem to find one that fits."

"Well, shall we go fight, and get our butts kicked? Bring the cookies…We may need them…" Ben said in a grave voice.

The teens exited the building with the 31 Toa flanking them.

The parade slowly made their way over to the battlefield where the 400+ were waiting, patiently.

Matoro was being strangled by an impatient Matau, while an angry Tahu continued to scream at Kongu.

Kopaka was the first to see the teens and their army because of his Mask of X-Ray Vision.

"They're here!" he called, alerting the Toa.

The Toa who had been lazy, and lounging around instantly took their weapons out and formed the line again.

Ben was the first one who walked around the corner. She saw the Toa, and sped back around the corner.

"Don't go! We have to equip ourselves first!" she hissed, searching through the bag with their stuff. "Sword for Lauren…Slicers for Malcolm (I'm not going to say it)…Rhotuka for me…Midak Blaster for Malcolm (Don't make me say it!)…Elemental power for Lauren…." She muttered.

Malcolm (AURRGGGG! For that it not his name) tried to pry open his elemental bag, but failed. Ben, rolling her eyes, snatched the bag from Malcolm, dug her fingernails into the side, and gave it back.

He glared at her. "Thaaanks…" he growled, proceeding to put his fingers in the holes made by the nails and ripped it open.

A light green mist surrounded Malcolm and was instantly pulled into him.

He let out a belch that nearly blew Lauren away.

"Sorry…" he apologized sheepishly.

Ben snorted and opened her Water Elemental bag.

A blue mist engulfed her and instantly disappeared.

Lauren pried her bag open too quickly and accidentally spilled its contents on the ground.

" Aww Sh*t!" she swore loudly, making Ben, and Malcolm stare at her.

"What?" she asked stupidly, scratching her head.

Ben shook her head and put her sapphire armor on. Malcolm got the idea and put his emerald armor on.

"Hey, Malcolm."

"Hmm?"

"What should go first, the Disk Launcher, or the Rhotuka?"

"…Uh…"

"Faster! We don't have all day!"

"Okay…Um…Why don't you put the Rhotuka on your back, and ride the Disk Launcher like the Green Goblin?"

"…That idea sucks…"

"Why?"

"I'm blue you idiot!"

"What? I thought you were green…Sorry…My bad…" (Has color-blind issues)

"Fine then…Does anyone have spray paint? This orange and red clashes horribly with my blue armor."

Ben looked at her Toa, then at Avun, then at Lauren's fifteen Toa. "Anyone?" she asked, looking down at the Launcher.

"Red is for squares."

Ben screamed as an angry Bamaja, Pheorith, Kogune, Ilistin, and Takami hurtled toward her. She twisted her body out of the way and avoided all the Toa except Pheorith, who knocked her over.

By some twisted twist of fate, their lips connected, almost sending sparks into the air.

Pheorith blushed and pulled away from her. Using his large wings as balance, he got off the blue-clad female and stood tall, looking away. In a flash of feathers, Pheorith became a fiery phoenix. He spread his wings and flew up high.

Ben was just as shocked as he was. She stood up and screamed, nearly blowing everyone away.

"WHAT IS WITH THE BOYS TODAY?!?!? YOU THINK THEY WOULD HAVE ENOUGH SELF CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she fumed, stomping her feet. "BUT NO! THEY HAVE TO-"

"SHUT THE HECK UP!!!!!!!!" Malcolm yelled, clamping his hand to her mouth.

"MHHHRMMMHRR!!!" Ben shouted.

"C'mon, guys! Let's kick butt!" Lauren shouted, holding her Flame Swords high.

"Huzzah!" she continued.

"I have always liked…Cowabunga…" Aidarin commented, imitating Splinter

"Heck no! Cowabunga's SOO last century!" Ben scoffed, waving her hand. "FORRR LERRROOOOOOOOOOOY!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAND FOR AAAAAASSSLAAAAN!!!!!!" she screamed.

"Uh…How about…." Malcolm began, activating his mask power and shaping into the Autobot we all know and love. "Autobots…ROLL OUT!!!" he yelled, in the deep, manly voice belonging to Optimus Prime.

"What about…UNITY!!!" shouted Takanuva.

Bamaja slugged him in the face.

"How about…I'm ready! I'm ready!!" Avun shouted, jogging in place with a stupid grin on his face. (I made a funny!)

Malcolm swung his leg up and hit him in the crotch, sending him flying over the skyscrapers.

"I hate Spongebob." He commented.

"Avun's not going to have kids for a long time…" Ben whispered to Kynrhu as they heard Avun crash.

"Let's do it!" shouted Kogune.

"Free or dead!" Toroko yelled, thumping his chest.

"I smell pizza!" yelled Sadara, sniffing the air.

"Ohhhhh….." Avun moaned, clutching himself.

"Goongala!" shouted Solden, raising his sword.

"Well, we can't have them all…so what about…. "I'm-ready-let's-do-it-for-Cowabunga-unity-or-dead-For-Autobots-and-Aslan-Huzzah-I-smell-Goongala!" Eratia said, flicking dust off her brass armor.

Ben nodded. "Okay. One…two…three…"

"I'M-READY-LET'S-DO-IT-FOR-COWAUNGA-UNITY-OR-DEAD-FOR-AUTOBOTS-AND-ASLAN-HUZZAH-I-SMELL-GOONGALA!" The Toa yelled, brandishing their weapons.

Malcolm, Ben, and Lauren led the small army in slow motion.

Suddenly, Sadara tripped, slamming into Kynrhu who knocked into Kogune who toppled on Aidarin who fell upon Avun, who moaned and fell to the ground, tripping Raune who stumbled and grabbed onto Takanuva, who staggered under the weight and dropped onto Solden who yelled, startling Ben into leaping onto Malcolm (for that is not his name) who tipped onto Lauren.

Soon, all the Toa were lying in a pile.

"Shall we try that again?" Ben asked from the bottom of the pile.

So, the Toa and teens tried to walk again.

Marching with chests puffed out and chins high they appeared on the battlefield.

Ben nodded and activated her Disk Launcher's jetpack function. She rose into the sky, and struck a battle pose.

The Disk Launcher sputtered, and malfunctioned, slamming its owner into a building. Malcolm (for that is not his name) flinched, and groaned for his friend.

"That…Hurt…" she moaned as she slid down the glass.

"I shall now do a 'Superman'!" Lauren yelled and ran into the nearest telephone booth with a bag she mysteriously pulled from her pocket.

She closed the door behind her, and hesitated. Lauren then poked her head out of the telephone booth.

"And no peeking."

Obediently, the 400+ Toa, Malcolm (for that is not his name), Ben, and all the imaginatory Toa turned and looked away. Only Tahu had the nerve to look, and Vakama smiled evilly, and disappeared.

Ben narrowed her eyes, and shuffled over to Hinali. She leaned closer and whispered into her ear.

"Infra-red vision please. OH! And would you tackle Vakama please? He disappeared with his Mask of Concealment…"

Hinali nodded, and her white Mask of Vision glowed, and then faded. "Got him in my sights." She whispered back.

Ben nodded. "Good. On the count of five, you get Vakama, I get Tahu. Okay? One…Two…FIVE!!!!"

Ben gave a quick 'I'm-ready-let's-do-it-for-Cowabunga-unity-or-dead-For-Autobots-and-Aslan-Huzzah-I-smell-Goongala!' battle cry, and tackled the Toa Nuva of Fire who dared disturb her friend's privacy.

"Get off me you little cretin!" he yelled, trying to pry her off.

"No!"

"Get off me!!!"

"NO!!!" Ben yelled with her Sonic Scream ability. The sound waves ripped Tahu's mask off and sent it hurling onto Gali's face, where it stuck.

"NO! I'm butt-ugly! Don't look at me!"

"Gali…You were always butt-ugly." Takanuva Nuva muttered.

"I…I…HATE YOU!" she yelled with Tahu's mask and started to strangle the Toa of Light.

"HAHAAHAAHAAA!" Makuta laughed. "Stupid Toa of Light!"

"Light may be stupid, but what about TIME!?!" Eratia shouted, slashing the air with her Temporal Talons. A time-vortex opened and sucked in Makuta.

"Is he gone?" Sadara asked.

"No. I set the time-limit for about….a couple hundred thousand years." She answered, "He should be coming out in about…Five…four…three…two…one…now."

Another time-vortex opened and spat a rather ugly Baby Makuta out. Baby Makuta sat on his diaper and started to suck his thumb.

"Now that's a face only his mother could heart-love." Matau muttered.

"Aww! I think he's cute!" Nuju cooed. Everyone turned to stare at him.

"Er…I mean…HE's cute!" he said, pointing to Avun, who was sucking his thumb.

"What? I thought my thumb would taste good! Makuta's doing it!" He shot back.

A green figure rushed into the center of the battlefield and put her hands on her hips.

"Hah! You shan't withstand the wrath of VAKAMA!!! Which is me!" Lauren yelled in her Lewa costume.

"Uh…No. No you're not." Pohatu yelled over the strangling Gali and half-dead Takanuva

"Huh?" Lauren looked down at herself. "Sh*t. You're right. Wrong costume."

She ran back into the telephone booth.

Suddenly, Jaller fell down clutching his throat.

Hahli squealed and ran over to her fallen leader.

"Jaller! Jaller! Don't die! I have a confession!"

"Hah…li…."

"I cheated on you with Sidorak."

"You…WHAT?!?!" Jaller yelled, jumping straight up. "I'm gonna kill that female dog!"

The Toa Inika of Fire ran off to find Sidorak.

"Well, that went well." Nokama muttered, giving Hahli an 'Evil eye'.

"What?" Hahli asked, shrugging.

"EWWWW!!! Kogune! You farted!" Saita suddenly screamed.

"No, I didn't! If I did, you'd all be dead in a nuclear explosion." She protested.

Kynrhu gave a glance at Baby Makuta. "Uhhh. Mata-Nui, Makuta has a problem." She groaned, pointing at the ugly baby.

"Did he make a poopy?" Avun asked innocently. He was instantly slapped in the head by Takanuva Ultima.

"Who's gonna go in and change his diaper?" asked a scared Matoro.

Calls of 'Not me!' rang through the battlefield.

Only Matau and Nokama were left.

She looked at her husband. "We do have years of experience. You do it."

"Why me?!?"

"Because I'll divorce you if you don't."

"…Point taken."

Matau grimaced, and edged toward Baby Makuta. He covered his mouth and nose with his hand and crept closer.

Baby Makuta looked at him and the Toa of Air froze, afraid to move. The baby smiled, then let out a nuclear blast from his butt.

Matau was blown away by the wind, and the stench. He landed at the feet of his wife, twitching and writhing on the ground.

"Hey, guys! Look at this!" Gali yelled, surrounded by a golden force field. "I finally got the mask to work! Uh…Guys?" she asked, looking around at the piles of unconscious Toa. "Are you okay?"

Ben lifted her head off of Kynrhu's back. "That smells worse than MY farts!" she exclaimed, falling back into her position before she moved.

Suddenly, out of the sky came a feathery phoenix. "Did I miss anything?" Pheorith asked, looking around. He shook his feathers, causing an ember to shake loose.

Nokama looked up, her expression dazed. She saw the ember, and moved quickly. She got on her feet, and jumped to intercept the ember.

"NOOOOOOOO!" she cried, flying through the air in slow motion. She stretched her armored fingers out just as she started to fall, trying to catch it.

Her fingers didn't even brush the fiery particle.

"Oh…shiiiiiiiiiiiiii…."

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

The deadly Makuta gas ignited in a fiery inferno, sweeping all the Toa along with it.

A flying bike flew past and Malcolm grabbed it, and mounted it. He flew around and around cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West.

"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!" he cackled, peddling.

"You little pervert!" screamed Onewa, 'swimming' to the Matau dressed Malcolm.

"No! Get away! My bike!" he shouted, trying to kick the much larger Toa of Stone away. Malcolm turned the handlebars so Onewa was behind him.

"Pull my finger!" he ordered a bewildered Stone Toa. Onewa was stupid enough to pull it.

A semi-nuclear blast exploded and Malcolm and the bike soared out of the inferno.

"I believe I can flyyy!" he sang and crashed into a building.

Inside the inferno, Sadara was clutching his older sister.

"I need-want Dadddy!" he wailed, even though he was fully grown.

"Two words, Sadara." Kynrhu patiently stated. "Over there." She pointed to where Matau was trying to fly counterclockwise, to stop the inferno, with Nokama.

"Dad! Mom!" the shamrock-green Toa exclaimed, activating the wing function on his Storm Slicers, and zooming over to his parents. He wrapped his arms around his father in a hug.

"Who are you?" Matau asked, looking off-put at the strange Toa hugging him.

"Dad! C'mon! It's me! Sadara! Toa of Storm! Your birth-son!" he tried again.

"I don't have a birth-son. I have a heart-wife, but that's not the same thing."

"Mom?" he asked weakly, sending a pleading look to Nokama.

"I don't know you."

Tears flooded his blue eyes. His lip started to tremble, and he flew over to his big sister.

"Kyn-kyn! Dad won't remember me! He says he doesn't have a birth-son! Mom doesn't remember me either! I just feel really sad! My parents don't heart-love me!" he wailed, clutching his sister close to him.

Kynrhu's green eyes ignited with anger. "Just let me deal-handle it." She comforted him.

Using her storm power, she walked to her parents.

"Close-listen, you! My mother is Nokama Metru! My father is Matau Metru! They beat-defeated the Makuta! Now, when my brother comes to you, you leave him heart-broken! As his big sister, I cannot let-allow that happen! Remember or not, you ARE his parents! You WILL remember! If you don't, so help-assist me, I will MAKE-FORCE you to! Thought-understand?" she yelled at them, clenching her fists.

"Yes Ma'am." Matau said quickly.

Kynrhu smiled happily. "Good. Sadara!" she called in a singsong voice.

"What?" Sadara gloomily said, slowly gliding over to his sister.

"I talked with them, and they remember! Right?" she asked Matau and Nokama, giving them a warning glare.

Matau nodded. "How could we forget our own birth-son! Sadara! Come here and give your mother and I a hug!"

The male Toa of Storm beamed. He tackled his father in an ash-bear hug, and buried his head in Matau's chest.

"Dad!" he cooed happily.

Matau gave a look of resentment to Kynrhu who glared, and shook her fist at him.

Suddenly, the Toa Inika of Fire came back from his murdering spree. "Oh Mata-Nui! What the Karzahni happened?"

"Makuta farted!" wailed Kongu, waving at his leader.

Jaller cracked his knuckles and stared at the inferno. "Let's get crackin!" he yelled and took an egg out of his pocket. He tapped it on his armor and opened it, spilling yoke and whites all over the place, including his armor. Jaller dropped the shells and spread his hands, drawing all the fire into his body.

The swirling inferno grew smaller and smaller, as the Toa of Fire grew brighter and brighter.

Toa were dropping like blackened flies out of the twister.

Soon, the inferno was nothing more than an ember. Jaller slowly positioned himself so he was vertical, and shot all his newfound power into the sky.

Suddenly, a big, booming voice shouted, "OWW! That was my BUTT!"

"Quick! Everyone! Play dead!" shouted Ben, falling down and holding her breath. The other Toa were either unconscious or just lying there.

A large figure of a woman fell from the clouds and landed with a very large crash on top of Tahu. "Who did that? I know it was one of you!" she barked, scanning the Toa playing dead with her little beady eyes.

Baby Makuta let out another fart. This time, a very loud one. The giant figure whirled around.

"My little muffin cup-cake! What happened to you?!?" she yelled at the sight of her son.

"Eratia happened to him!" yelled Avun, who for some odd reason couldn't follow orders and keep his pie-hole shut.

"Are you Eratia?" she asked, her voice getting dangerously silky.

"Oh, shucks! I'm flattered. I'm Eratia!" he grinned, wanting to take credit. In this case, it was a very bad idea.

Makuta's Mom narrowed her little eyes. In one, smooth move, she swung her leg up and kicked Avun in the crotch (again) and sent him sailing over the sky scrapers (again).

"Come on, little muffin cup-cake. Let's go home! Come to Mommy!"

Baby Makuta looked at her with his evil red eyes. He got off his butt and started taking little steps toward his mama, making sure to step on Toa.

"Ow! You little $#&%!!!" A charred-black Kopaka shouted after getting his mask stepped on. He hurled a bolt of ice at the baby, and hitting his target.

Baby Makuta was frozen solid in moments.

Makuta's Mom's eyes burned hatred at the White Toa. With another move, Kopaka met Avun's fate, sailing over the enormous blocks of concrete to join Avun in a garbage truck.

"Hi!" he squeaked in a REALLY high-pitched voice. "I was getting quite lonely."

"Ah, shut up you little green turd." Kopaka growled in an even higher high-pitched voice.

"Don't speak that way to Mousy!" Avun snapped back, holding up a half-rotten green mouse. "Say you're sorry!"

A low growling was heard from beneath the pile of rubbish.

Avun yelped, letting go of 'Mousy' and jumping up. Mousy flew through the air into Kopaka's gaping mouth.

His blue eyes widened, followed by gagging motion. A stream of half-digested popcorn, along with Mousy shot from his mouth like Niagara Falls.

The stream of Toa puke splattered onto a very unhappy green furred head.

"#$% you!" Oscar the Grouch screamed at Kopaka, fingering some of the vomit from his head and throwing it onto the Toa of Ice's silver chest plate, causing him to throw up all over himself again.

"Get off my garbage pile! Or I'll send Wormy out!" he warned. Kopaka just sat there, staring at his once polished Toa armor.

"WORMY!" Oscar yelled, and a very large red and yellow worm appeared out of the junk.

"Aww! It's so cute!" Avun cooed, letting go of his grip on the rim of the garbage trunk.

Wormy looked at him with his little black eyes.

Avun stretched his arm out to stroke the worm under his chin.

Wormy growled and opened his jaws, revealing many layers of razor-sharp teeth that rotated like a chainsaw. Lunging foreword, the worm clamped his mouth down upon Avun's hand, before tearing it off.

Avun looked stupidly at the stump where his hand used to be, then to his hand disappearing into Wormy's gullet.

"Aww! Are you hungry?" he asked, still thinking the worm was 'cute'. He picked up some garbage and put it in front of the worm.

Wormy hissed and sniffed the trash. His red head moved from side to side, as he looked around.

When he saw Kopaka just lying there, he let out a longer hiss. Since Avun had fed him, and since he was Oscar's Tracking Worm, Wormy thought that Avun was trying to get him to track something. Which was Kopaka.

Wormy let out an ear-piercing shriek and lunged at the stunned Toa of Ice. The worm latched onto his shoulder armor and ripped it off Kopaka's arm.

Kopaka screamed like Alvin (the chipmunk) and ran up the wall of the garbage truck. He pulled himself up and started running away. Wormy ate a hole through the metal and slithered after him, steadily gaining.

The Toa of Ice ran into a building and shut the door behind him, panting heavily. He watched Wormy rush past his hiding spot and cockily turned around.

He froze at the sight of a hundred fan-girls all dressed like him.

"Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"

"GET HIM!" the lead girl shouted and all of the Kopaka dressed fan-girls swarmed to him, some touching his armor, some trying to rip his arm off as a souvenir.

He screamed and ran through the door, starting to ski on an ice path he froze.

"HE'S GETTING AWAY!" yelled the Alpha fan-girl and lunged at his feet. Her arms wrapped around his knees and she hugged his appendages.

"I LOVE YOU KOPAKA!!!" she shouted as he tried to ski away.

"_That's_ one-sided…" he muttered, trying to pry the girl off

"I WANT TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN!!!"

Kopaka's eye twitched and he leapt out of her grip and froze her solid. As fast as lightning, he skied away from them to the battlefield.

His eye twitched again as he saw Takanuva and Takanuva Ultima fighting.

Takanuva Ultima slapped his Nuva-ish counterpart and winced.

"That hurt." He said, surprised.

Takanuva whacked Takanuva Ultima's mask, then stumbled back clutching his own.

"Ow."

"How are we supposed to fight when we're the same person?" Takanuva Ultima asked, scratching his head.

"I don't know. Wanna be friends?"

Takanuva Ultima smiled. "Sure! Fist-clank!" he announced and raised his fist. The other Takanuva clanked his fist with the first Takanuva.

"So, what do you want to do now?"

Takanuva shrugged "Bug Gali?"

"But if she slaps one of us, both of us will feel the pain."

"So?"

"Good point. Let's do it!"

Takanuva and Takanuva ran to the other end of the battlefield and poked Gali at the same time.

"Hi!" they said together.

Gali glared at them through Tahu's mask. "What do you want?"

"Hi!"

"Go away."

"Hi!"

"You're ticking me off!"

"Hi!"

"GRAAAHH!"

"Hi!"

Gali screamed and leapt onto Takanuva Ultima and started to beat the crap out of him. The other Takanuva winced each time he was hit.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! My kidney! My spleen! My scapula! My organs and squishy things!" (not what you think, rotten perverts…)

"Mercy! Mercy! Uncle! UNCLE!!!" Takanuva screamed, cowering. "I WANT MY MOOOOMYYYY!!!!"

Makuta's Mom looked at the chaos unfolding and took Makuta into her arms. "Come on, Little Muffin-Cup Cake. Let's go home. Beam us up, Scotty!" she yelled, and a glowing light surrounded her and Makuta. They disappeared.

Ben rolled her eyes. "Well, what do you say to we not fight and be friends?"

Krakua shrugged. "Sure. To peace." He held out his hand and Ben shook it, smiling. "Picture time!" she shouted, taking out a camera.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Four hours later~~~~~~~~**

Ben, Lauren, and Malcolm took a picture with every one of the Toa and one with all of them. The blue-masked girl smiled and hugged her camera.

"I love you all. Whenever you want to hang, just call me." She gave them all little scraps of paper.

Krakua took his, smiling. "Sure. Whenever you need us, just give us a holler. Wherever we are, we'll hear you."

Ben looked at her Toa, tears welling up in her eyes. "You guys go ahead. Metru Nui is going to be fun for you. Eratia? You watch over the others, okay?"

The brass Toa nodded. "I understand."

"And Avun?"

"Yes?"

"Try not to have kids."

"Okey dokaly!"

Ben gave a big wave as all the Toa disappeared. She turned to her friend. "See? Toldja it was a good idea to come here."

Malcolm shrugged. "I'm just glad I got a picture of Matau."

Ben smiled. "Me too. Let's go home, savvy?" Her friend nodded. "Yeah. Let's do that."

The two teenagers linked arms and walked into the sunset, disappearing over the horizon.

Lauren blew her last spit bubble and laughed. "Hey guys! Did you see…" she grew quiet when she looked around. "Guys? Guys?"

She turned around. "Hey! Guys! Wait up!" she ran into the sunset also, shouting her last words.

"WIIIIIIINNNNDDDD-FLLLLLLLYYYYYYY!!!!"

**So there you go. The longest freaking story that isn't a novel…Yet….And I'm sorry I didn't write this up into chapters. It would have killed it. I hope you all have had an awesome time reading this and make sure you know that your friends are leaving you before you blow spit bubbles. **

**Just so you know, 'Cowabunga' is from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 'For Leroy' is something I made up. 'For Aslan' is from the Chronicles of Narnia. 'Autobots, Roll Out' is from Transformers. 'Unity' is from Bionicle. 'I'm Ready' is from Spongebob. 'Let's Do it' is from Animorphs, so is 'Free or Dead'. 'I Smell Pizza' is something I made up, so is 'Ohhh…'.And 'Goongala' is from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.**


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